//Is that your stiletto, or are you just happy to see me?

Is that your stiletto, or are you just happy to see me?

There she goes, walking into the bar in her tiny skirt and 12cm heels.

How can she even walk in them? Her hair swinging free down her back, her perfectly made-up lips, color matching her heels. All eyes turn to look at her as her perfume distracts even the sober men in the place, even the taken ones, even the disinterested ones… Everyone but him.

He looks at her with possession. He wants to own her, own her body, take away all her power to feed his. He walks up to her and firmly grabs her wrist. Looking at him in surprise, almost entertained, she releases her wrist, twists his arm behind his back, brings him down to his knees then flat on his stomach.

When he begs her to let go of his arm, because his shoulder is about to pop out, she laughs, whispers something clever to him, stands up and places her nail-hard stiletto on his back while he cries in pain. She then walks away, flicking her hair behind her shoulder and redoing her lipstick without even looking at a mirror.

That’s how we’d like to imagine it.

Well, the reality is totally different. In reality, you would be the one on the floor, probably tripping over yourself, slipping on a wet surface, breaking your heel and – if you are lucky enough to be able to run away with your heels – causing damage to your feet and spine. You would look anything but sexy, believe me.

You might be thinking, ‘But what are the chances this can happen to me?’ Actually, pretty high.

If you wear heels on your way to work, if you wear heels walking the streets alone, and especially if you’re like me and wearing heels makes you clumsy and slow, you’re at higher risk. Maybe you are one of those rare girls who can actually run a marathon with their heels on, perhaps even run backward! But still, even if you can run away from your aggressor with heels on, imagine how fast you could run with flat shoes…

Think about it: are you more likely to slip on a wet or oily surface, or trip over when faced with an MMA-trained aggressor (always assume your aggressor is very well trained) when you are wearing sports shoes designed to prevent slipping or when you are wearing a heel with a 1sq cm surface? If you were an aggressor, who would you choose: someone who is stable, or someone likely to fall on their face with the slightest touch?

Look around you when you are in public. I’m always amazed to see women walking like ducks, looking completely uncomfortable, with plasters on their blisters, just to be seen in heels. Personally, I think a woman who is comfortable in her own skin is far sexier than someone who needs to lean on someone else (or on the wall) to be stable enough to stand up.

“But,” you might tell me, “I can use the heel as a weapon.”

Yes, you can.

So for those who want to wear heels, your homework is to practice taking one off while jumping or staying stable on the other stiletto. Then you need to place it correctly in your hand and practice hitting the aggressor in places that matter (face or joints) without the heel breaking in your hand or you slipping backward. For this to work, you need steel heels – the leather ones don’t do the job.

If you’re in a grounded position kicking the aggressor in the face or in his kidneys, your heels can be a good weapon. But honestly, any shoe would do a great job, with a good kick! And don’t forget, you don’t want to stick around afterward to have a conversation with the guy. You have to get away and run to a safe place. Again, how far can you get with your heels on? Even if you take them off, can you run barefoot? Imagine getting your feet cut by stones or glass; maybe it’s been raining, maybe you’re in a rocky place…

There is another midway solution. Here come the good old ’90s platforms to save us shorter ladies! These add 12cm to your height, while still having the base surface of a “normal” shoe. Still, even with these, the support for your ankle is not the best (I twisted mine numerous times wearing these as a 15-year-old). I recommend flat sports shoes any day.

Wake up, ladies. It is where the fairy tale ends that the real story begins. As my promo pictures show me wearing high heels and boxing gloves, I receive numerous messages from couples wanting to try some “kinky” intimacy involving self-defense moves. I get it, totally, I do. And it can be fantastic… In the bedroom! Photos, movies, Charlie’s Angels – that isn’t reality. Your safety is.

I’m a woman too. And I like to look sleek and sexy, but my safety comes first. So on the rare occasions when I do wear heels I put them on at the last moment, in the car (not in the parking place!), in the office, even in the bathroom. I don’t risk it!

You need to think about these things in advance. You need to be able to protect yourself AT ALL TIMES, night or day, alone, at your workplace, in the street, in the club, in your car. Always. So dress to kill.

And be smart – that’s sexy.

Lots of love,




2018-03-29T20:55:17+00:00 March 29th, 2018|Uncategorized|