Spy Hard 1
Kobi was my first love . Well, what I thought was love…. ’til I had children :). He was (probably still is! lol) 13 years older than me, and to me he was like a God. He was my trainer, my teacher, my boyfriend. And he was newly separated. I was young, naive, and very, very much in love. I didn’t see how beautiful, smart and sexy I was; all I saw was him. And he used to disappear on me a lot. For months. Even today, I have no idea why he did that. So, I started spying on him. When I think of the crazy things I have put myself through, I am truly shocked I would climb walls, sneak into sleazy bars, hide behind his door to listen, try to seduce his friends to give me a better insight, break into his voicemail and more. What happened, what did I find out?
Well, my worst fears were confirmed, he was cheating on me, with someone much older, uglier and fatter (okay maybe it is not the worst fear). My constant spying turned him off completely, and our relationship was a yoyo-hell until thankfully it ended. So, if you have ever been there and done that, take it from me- it is really not worth it. If you can’t trust your partner, don’t be with him. It might be him, it might be you, but in any case- it won’t work. Sorry.
Life being a bitch, years later I found myself on the other side of the rainbow. I was followed and stalked. It wasn’t by a partner, it was by an almost complete stranger. And I can tell you this, it feels horrible. Constant fear, never feeling safe, always feeling watched.
What did I do? That is a story for another time. Today, I will focus on “romantic spying”, on how to deal with it. This article is dedicated to those of you who date, especially women, putting yourself out there in the dangerous circle of online dating, blind dating, actually any dating, or the parents of girls who date. That said, please don’t become paranoid or let fear control you, don’t stop “putting yourself out there”, just keep your eyes very, very open, look for signs, and be careful. Here we go:
“THE DATING RULES”
1. You can’t threaten a whore with a dick!
Did I shock you? Maybe even offend you? That is not my intention at all. As much as it sounds humiliating or disgusting at first, this is a common Israeli proverb (I used it in my book “The Working Woman” too) and focuses on the empowerment of women, not the contrary. You see, the stronger you are, the more powerful you are in every sense, the less you will be “easy food” for predators. Now I am not talking here about your muscles and cardio capacity, although your physical condition is important as well. I am talking about an empowered person as a whole- mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically and even socially. The aura of “don’t fuck with me” but in a very nice, and polite way. You don’t threaten someone who can fight back and win. So, if you are dating (and even if you are not) your daily and constant mission is to create a stronger self, a person that is not easily threatened, pushed, provoked or manipulated into doing things. That energy will accompany you and keep you safe, as well as skilled.
2. Train. A strong mind lives in a strong body. You don’t need to train for the Olympics, UFC or even to be in your best form ever. That is not the goal. The goal is to keep your joints “well oiled”, get to know your body better and have a better connection with it, and get yourself in a good or at the least medium, physical state, so you can react faster, be more flexible and of course run away. The most important factors you should focus on are your balance and flexibility. So walking or doing some faster than normal cardio for 20-30 minutes, a few bodyweight exercises and finish with balance and flexibility at least 3 times a week (if you can 4-5 is great!), being active and not just letting your body go completely “flat” on you.
For your mind training, I have written a whole section about that in my M.I.S.T.R.E.S.S method in my books, with exercises you can include in your daily schedule, but generally just keep yourself alert and sharp, play memory games constantly and read as much as you can about self-defense There are really fantastic books out there that will open your mind and change your life! Keeping your mind active as well and nourishing it with information that might come in useful one day, will also help prepare you for an unfamiliar situation by making it a bit more familiar, by imagination from your reading, which will lessen the surprise factor, the freeze mechanism and your decision making time in a dangerous situation.
So now you have the first two dating rules!
If you would like to look at these in full detail you can purchase my book through the website or for Kindle on Amazon HERE